Okay here is a little ditty I wrote while being driven crazy by the stupid vending machine in my office... I mean seriously - what are they thinking??
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Dear Mr. Vending Machine Salesman,
I appreciate your desire to cater to those of us who wish for a little late afternoon pick-me-up; AKA “sugar rush”, but please can you cut the shit?
The women I work with (myself Included) can’t count on those stupid ass small pieces of shit to help with any of our cravings. You better pray none of your deliveries coincide with "black week" – when every woman in the office has her period at the same time – or we will string you up by your testicles and use you as a piñata.
It is in your own best interest to fill this damn vending machine with some king-size chocolate bars of varying flavors. And ixnay on the stupid ass hard candy; hard candy only serves as projectile weaponry during PMS.
Thank you for your consideration,
XO -The office Women
