I found this old unpublished rant and thought it fits pretty much wherever. So here you are...
Everyone wonders where they should start when they are trying to START something. So where do I start? There is so much I want to change. Well maybe not so much change, maybe rediscover. I think my frustration with my current self, is that inside I still want and desire the same things that I've always wanted. Just because I'm a divorced single mom doesn't make me any different that the woman I was when I first got married. Now granted I'm more experienced and definitely older but I let myself get lost along the way.
Is it possible to not lose yourself along that path? I see lots of successful women who juggle career & family, some who choose to stay at home with family, some who chose to not have a family. Why can some of these women seem to handle their choices so successfully when I... don't? I look at my family and I honestly cannot imagine myself without them - that fantasy where I get the time machine and can go back in time? No matter how many times I imagine it I always end up going back to after all of my children were born. So what is it that has made me feel like, along this path that I've chosen to travel, I've also chosen to lose myself? Whatever it is I don't like it.
I'm not happy. There's a lot I want to change. So starting today - or yesterday if I want to be technical about it - I'm going to change. Hmm, although the more I think about it, the more that "change" isn't the right word for it. Maybe I'm going to let myself be a better me. A happier me, the me that I still am. Somewhere in all this... lostness.
Is it possible to not lose yourself along that path? I see lots of successful women who juggle career & family, some who choose to stay at home with family, some who chose to not have a family. Why can some of these women seem to handle their choices so successfully when I... don't? I look at my family and I honestly cannot imagine myself without them - that fantasy where I get the time machine and can go back in time? No matter how many times I imagine it I always end up going back to after all of my children were born. So what is it that has made me feel like, along this path that I've chosen to travel, I've also chosen to lose myself? Whatever it is I don't like it.
I'm not happy. There's a lot I want to change. So starting today - or yesterday if I want to be technical about it - I'm going to change. Hmm, although the more I think about it, the more that "change" isn't the right word for it. Maybe I'm going to let myself be a better me. A happier me, the me that I still am. Somewhere in all this... lostness.
